Martin Short Thinks Conan Looks Like A “Freeze-Dried Prince Harry” YouTube Video
Martin Short Thinks Conan Looks Like A “Freeze-Dried Prince Harry” YouTube Video Description
(Recording date: 05/17/23) Conan considers it a “rare honor” to have comedy legends Martin Short and Steve Martin on his podcast. And to be mercilessly insulted by them.
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Martin Short Thinks Conan Looks Like A “Freeze-Dried Prince Harry” Automated Transcript By Speak
Gentlemen. It’s a rare honor to have you both here.Uh Thank you, Conan in the same
room. I’ll tell you one thing. It’s rare to be here. It is. I left out the word honor, but it’s just an oversight
just before we started recording. Um, Marty, you, you verbally assaulted me.
No, no, no, no. I, I said it with love that to me. When I see you, you look like someone freeze dried. Prince Harry. That’s all I said.
I uh it’s, um, you know, my staff looks forward to any time that Marty, I have a staff. It, it gets kind of,
it’s very lucrative.
It gets smaller every year. But, um, no fans of my show and yes, there are fans of the work that I’ve done in the past. Let’s not have any mock surprise about that, but they, um they have put together a mashup of uh, of Marty coming on the show and ripping me apart. Uh And it is wildly popular. Oh, yes, it is. It is wildly popular and it delights uh my writers to the point where the last time when we were wrapping up the late night show a epic 28 year run. Thank you. Uh I’m driving to uh one of the last episodes that Marty’s gonna do. Uh and he did an extremely funny bit on it and I’m driving to the theater and I looked down and I realized I’m doing something I rarely do, which is wear shorts. And immediately I thought I’m driving towards the Largo theater and I thought, fuck Marty who’s on today, Marty’s on today. And I knew that he would destroy me. And sure enough you come in and hello, hello, everybody. And then I see those two eyes dart over and they see my freckled legs there and it began and it began and it was, it was quite
a sight. It was absolutely a terrifying site. And you couldn’t because normally you can’t see where the stilts are attached. But you could, you could that day the shorts revealed way too much.
Oh, and they were short shorts. 1970
Heatherton. Like you were entertaining
the troops. But uh the writers were so, so happy. And then of course, you’re the line that just, you said it on late night and it uh it’s lived forever which is, well, you’ll do it better than I, but it was Conan uh whatever you’re doing to your face. I say 20% more and then stop, which is mean in nine different letter.
It’s a combo.
I love, it’s also done with care. You’re worried about me a little more. About 20% more. But I
feel like I have to put you down and I’ve got nothing. No,
no, you don’t because you’re Steve help.
Uh Well, I don’t want to embarrass either of you. So I won’t mention that. Uh You are just two of my uh absolute comedy heroes. I’m sure you hear that kind of thing all the time and it bores you. But one of the pleasures of my life. And I’m not kidding was when you asked me to do a cameo in your show, your live show at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas. And I, I was outside my body getting to be, be on a stage with you guys. It made me so happy, so legitimately sincerely happy.
He did. I mean, you, we learned a lesson because you showed up with
writers, one writer, I can’t afford to. I showed up with my. That’s true. Yeah, that’s true. Well, I suppose I am. Um no, II I and uh Matt, he’s Matt o’brien, no relation, but I only hire o’brien and uh he um idolizes you both as well and he was just in heaven. And then there was a but I thought, yeah, come along with me and, and help me tweak a few things since I really wanted it to be better than what
I could. It was, it was inspiring and we’ve had people show up with, with nothing, no writers and they did way better. By the way,
and then I heard you guys later bumped into Letterman and he was like, Conan brought a writer.
No, no, because Dave did it as well. What
was the line you were sitting off stage with Dave? And he looked, what was it? You were sitting off stage waiting for me to come on. They look kind of morose. This
sounds like Dave so far.
They edit, by
the way. He had. No, no, no, no, he had, oh, not at all. No, an costs money as well. Everything is in uh no, but um it was fantastic. It was uh but I remember you were saying that Dave was sort of, he had been off the air for just a little bit and then of course, he always does the thing where he’s horrified that he, if I go on stage, it’ll just be awful. And, and I’m like, you’re David Letterman, what do you, you know, but he’s done it and of course, the place
goes nuts and then, and then afterwards he still has a negative feeling about it. But he, he,
yeah, he, but he had only been off a few, I think this was like in June and he’d left six weeks
before. Exactly. Exactly. But he is, his personality is always, you know, he came by and which meant a lot to me. He did a cameo on late night, which was his old studio and he came by and of course his attitude was, well, they’re just gonna hate me.
Well, there’s a, you know, there’s a, there’s an
event, how will they know who I am? Will you, will you say my name before I come out, there’s a
self-defense mechanism in being overly paranoid and then when you get a little cheer, when you come out and you go, oh, I was wrong. Yes.
Yes. I’m familiar
Yes, I think. And what I think it’s kept me out of the big money. Not having that attitude of just kind of going. Oh, you don’t like me? Well, you know, I don’t like you either, but good night. It is a,
he does have that attitude. I’m this insecure shaking one and he says, I don’t give a fuck.
Right. They’re gonna love me.
Well, if they don’t guess what if I had dinner with them, I’d be bored.
That’s, yeah. Well, often that was your opening line though. It
was and I didn’t know why I didn’t play. Who are you people? No one’s bathed. Obviously. Good night.
Where’s my big money? Why didn’t I get the big money? Why don’t they
like me? They don’t never hire me again.
I was um, so I got to see your show. Uh And I was so impressed with how you guys worked it out and even though you both knew the show so well, you had a rehearsal and you were still uh working so hard to make sure that it went perfectly at rehearsal. And I thought this is, there are no accidents like people that are good, in my opinion there. Yes, there is talented, but there is talent. But then there’s just this just mad desire to get it perfectly right and it never goes away. Well,
I always think that that by the way,
I’m here too. Go ahead.
Did you just this chair? No, but I’m always amazed.
I feel like I should I start raising my hand.
Ok. Well, go ahead. You say something.
I say, II, I think we prepare, I prepare out of fear and also love because when we get a new joke, I, I’m energized the whole show. I cannot wait to get to this joke. And often they don’t work. In fact, here’s an example because I thought, let
me just say when they don’t work, I am like either on stage or the wings. I go hysterical because he’s been so excited all day about this. Go
ahead. I had a joke the other night and I thought when I introduced Marty, I thought, oh, this is, this is really going to work, right? And then we’re going to analyze why it didn’t work afterwards. But I said, and this man, he’s, he’s done live television, he’s been in film and he’s done Broadway and truly, he is a master of the toxic workplace environment. And uh it was just sort of like uh and uh I realized later it’s had too many words in it, you know, or it needed to be more of like a casual throwaway in the middle of our
toxic. You had to have just read this story about uh that to you. No, no, no, I don’t think everyone is following, you know, variety about a
toxic workplace environment, obviously because
you got nothing on the job. I
mean, Conan shorts represent a toxic workplace.
Absolutely. For the crew. Oh,
we settled out of court.
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